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Ask Amy: Friends didn’t want to hang out until I moved to a tourism hotspot


Pricey Amy: I’m a 53-year-old girl. Due to a tense job I’ve had for the final 20 years, I’ve some associates, however making new ones generally is a wrestle after I’ve needed to work 14- to 17-hour days.

Extra not too long ago, I’ve tried to succeed in out to 2 ladies I’ve identified for some time. Sadly, they each have saved their distance — one really waited till the day after I requested her to lunch, apologizing for “lacking my textual content.” I used to be stung by the brushoff, however tried to provide her the good thing about the doubt and waited to see if she may reciprocate the invitation. She didn’t.

I lastly determined that I wanted to alter my way of life, bought my previous home and am shopping for a small place in a really sunny fashionable vacationer city I’ve at all times beloved. My associates have been congratulatory and supportive, together with the 2 ladies who’ve been brushing me off.

They’ve each reached out (individually, they’re not associates with each other) with honest questions on after I can host them and their households for a go to. Amy, I haven’t even closed on my condominium!

Neither of those ladies are making any effort to say goodbye earlier than I go away city. They’ve solely expressed pleasure to go to me 1,800 miles away. I’m nice leaving these individuals behind, however since one in all them (the identical one who blew off my textual content) has now really despatched me dates for her future go to to my condominium, I’m at a lack of the best way to reply.

I advised her I’m shopping for a one-bedroom place and that I don’t suppose that she, her husband and youngsters might be snug sleeping on my sofa (collectively), however she assured me that they’ll “make do.” I don’t wish to inform her off and don’t need this to be twisted into any backlash amongst different mutual associates.

Ought to I simply ignore her textual content messages, like she did mine? I don’t wish to be a doormat, and don’t wish to trigger friction. Is there a response that might be each finite, but not “impolite?”

— Resentful Future Hostess

Resentful: In the event you don’t wish to be a doormat, then undoubtedly guard your welcome mat.

This one girl’s gall is sort of extraordinary (she ought to bottle that moxie!). You possibly can ghost her, however I worry that may by some means translate to her exhibiting up at the doorstep along with her husband and youngsters. Reply her subsequent self-invitation textual content: “Oops — I’m so sorry I haven’t been clear sufficient. I cannot be internet hosting you and your loved ones in my new house at any level. It’s simply not attainable.”

After you could ghost, block, ignore, unfriend. Take pleasure in your new life, discover a number of names of guesthouses in your new city, and if individuals invite themselves to go to, you’ll be able to ship them a listing of locations to remain.

Pricey Amy: I’ve been in a relationship with a person for over a yr. He’s type and beneficiant. He’s clear and attire nicely. There is just one downside: He has dangerous breath. His tooth look white, so I don’t know if it’s a well being subject. I don’t take pleasure in kissing him, and he’s not conscious of it.

I don’t wish to harm his emotions. How can I inform him with out coming off impolite or insulting?

Involved: If in case you have been with this man for over a yr and don’t take pleasure in kissing him, he’s probably to concentrate on this downside on some stage, however he won’t notice that it originates with him. So — think about how issues is likely to be when you really loved kissing him!

Strategy this gently. Keep away from phrases like “dangerous,” “pungent,” “foul.” Say, “I hope it’s okay to deliver up this private matter, however I’ve seen one thing … your breath appears ‘off.’ Have you ever been to the dentist not too long ago?”

Unhealthy breath may be attributable to a number of various factors — it’s not at all times the results of poor oral hygiene. If he is ready to appropriate this downside, give him optimistic suggestions while you discover an enchancment.

Pricey Amy:Shocked Mother” expressed her dismay that her daughter accused her of principally being a martyr and serving to others an excessive amount of. I couldn’t consider that you simply blamed this mother for being a form and beneficiant individual. We’d like extra individuals like her on this world!

Shocked: You’re proper, however as a result of this serving to conduct appeared to intrude along with her relationship, I urged “Shocked Mother” to discover her deeper motivations and the attainable adverse penalties of her conduct.

© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content material Company.

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